I find myself overwhelmed by the expectations of others, even perceived expectations. I find myself feeling sorry for myself and disempowered. I’m not sure how to change this.
So first of all, as introverts because we drive with an introverted part of us, our main driver, our main way that we show up in the world is introverted. We often rely on that part of us very heavily. And if we have to be out there in the outside world, we are taxed by it. So that introverted part of us gets taxed by extroverting.
It’s always important to remember that we also all have two parts of us that are also extroverted. When we are overwhelmed by the expectations of others, even perceived expectations, that information is coming from the outside into you. You are currently getting input from the outside world that it feels like an expectation or a perceived expectation. So you’re forced to use your extroverted parts of you to get that information. And if your extroverted parts of you are either not strong or are not present (because sometimes we can have absent parts of us as well) or are overstretched already, then all that expectation feels like an attack.
When those extroverted parts of you are not functioning optimally, that means one of two things.
1. Either that you’re not properly rested
2. You need to learn how to use your extroverted parts better
We feel like we’re being attacked and that we’re cornered. When we’re standing in the corner, we don’t realize that there’s a window right next to it. So we feel like we have nowhere to go. But actually there’s a window behind that curtain, we just don’t see it, we forget to look around. And that makes us really overwhelmed when we feel like we have nowhere to run. That’s what then makes us overwhelmed.
The disempowerment is changed by just simply remembering that there is a window behind the curtain. Simply remembering that how you feel right now, like you don’t have a choice isn’t actually true. You do have a choice, you just don’t see it right now. So you have to keep going back to that – “I’m just not seeing a choice right now.”
This changes the disempowerment dynamic. Because when you realize that you actually do have choices, you may not know what the choices are. But that way, even when you just remember that you do have choices, that’s already the first step away from the disempowerment into feeling a little bit hopeful or a little bit more excited about what the possibilities might be. Remember that the situation that you perceive that you’re in right now, is not actually the whole situation, because there’s a massive amount of realities that you could be tapping into, which is the empowerment dynamic.
The “feeling sorry for myself” part can be a little bit more tricky. Because it suggests that you perceive yourself to be lesser than. You’re feeling sorry for yourself, because you don’t believe that you have the power in this situation, because you don’t believe that you have those choices, your feelings, but you’re mostly feeling sorry for yourself, because you have forgotten who you are.
During disempowerment you need to remember that you have choices, but when feeling sorry for yourself, you just have to remember who you actually are. Sometimes we have never learned who we are, we haven’t learned our strengths and our amazing parts of us. That is the job. Remember that you are actually a lot more amazing than how you’re feeling in that moment. Those are both jobs for your inner parent part of you.
So here’s my challenge to you. Go back and look at the “Who are the four people within me”” article (Part 1 and Part 2) and go into that article and find out who your inner parent is, and then start studying your inner parent. The challenge is that because you’re an introvert, your inner parent or your auxiliary process, if you want to talk about this technically, is an extroverted part of you. That means that there is one particular part of yours, your 10 year old inner child, who’s unlikely to want to listen to the extroverted inner parent because he or she thinks that this extroverted part of you doesn’t add value to your inner family because they’re not deep enough. But, your 10 year old is not correct.
Once you’ve identified your inner parent, determine the great things about your inner parent. And then you also need to find out, why are your inner children feeling disempowered, and sorry for themselves? Because the grown up parts of you don’t actually focus on that. They’re focusing on where you’re going, and how you’re going to get there.
Whenever you get negative emotions, it’s the inner children there are that are bringing it up. And it’s important that they bring it up. So we don’t want to shut them up or anything like that. It’s important that these things are brought up. However, they can run your life because you have an inner child decision maker and an inner child information gatherer. So if you have those two inner children gathering information, and then making decisions about your grown up life, you can find yourself in trouble real quick. So you can make really bad decisions based on bad information.
What you want to do instead is to have your adult self and your inner parent, your two adult functions, to be the primary information gatherer and decision maker. Your inner children have a wealth of gifts to offer to you, however, they also need to be properly guided so that they aren’t making the decisions about your grown up life. This will help you to make better decisions, and you will no longer be overwhelmed by the expectations of others, because you’ll be charting your own course and being guided by your own authentic expectations.
Are you ready to stop being overrun by other’s expectations? Or even your perception of their expectations? Join our private Facebook group for support, discussion and encouragement.